5843 days.

I have 5 tests this week. Can’t blame me for feeling so nonchalant about my birthday. I am practically rushing to get things done in which i end up having no time to even savour the fact that “wow, i am born”. or maybe i just feel numb about it. Just another day actually. Charmaine was being so auntie today so she wished me happy birthday. the very first one for 2010 haha! i still remember who was the first on 2009 actually. haha. quite touched that that person actually remembered. That action greatly offended boon and qiaoer ince they were fighting to be the first. lol. so spiteful qiaoer and boon wished me for 2011 and 2012 respectively. i seriously dont see it as something prestigious for them to fight to be the first. But if they are happy, go ahead. haha (:

up till this very moment, i lived for 5843 days. haha. and i absolutely have no recollection of more than half of my life… come to think of it, i pretty much wasted 5000 days in that 5843 days. everyday is just a routine and i am getting pretty sick of it despite only having to live for fifteen years and i have at least, three times more of this to experience.

2009 for me had been really fulfilling. I would say as compared to the other fifteens out there, i am not exactly normal. Unfortunately, the ups and downs i experienced help me grow. not exactly a very pleasant process, but its necessary. If a caterpillar never ever sheds its skin, an uncomfortable process, it can never turn into a butterfly. Gross. I am the caterpillar in this context =.= whatever it is, i am happy and thankful for that growth although it left behind this deep emotional scar. Scarring, something essential in life. Without scars to remind you of the little bits and pieces of mistakes you made or went through, you can never become meticulous.

Having looked at humans for fifteen years, i still find it a wonder how some people manage to wear a mask for so long. ain’t it suffocating? I will never conform to the thinking of our pragmatic society that one must be selfish, heartless, self-centered and scheming to survive. I accept the fact that its impossible to change this disgusting trend, but will never ever accept that this-is-the-way-it-is. Do not belittle these six words as they are the very thing that cause the world to be the way it is now. Its good to embrace facts and move on, but not conform to them. By having the thought that “this is the way it is, things are the way they are, do not attempt to change it as you will fail terribly” is just as good as saying that “why not just go with the flow. life is easier when you are with the majority instead of going against it”. As more adopt the thinking, it became a fact. a fact of life. Yes, life is filled with ups and downs. Life can be miserable at times. Life does not offer you much options at times you wish you have one. Life is pretty much a routine and many are struggling to realise the meaning of it. Accepting these facts may make life a little more bearable. However, when it comes to betraying your conscience and making earth a worse place than it already is, i dont see why it is a “fact of life, accept it”.

Perhaps, i would spend the rest of my life harping on this very regret i have and questioning humanity. Is being true to yourself and others really that hard? must one climb on another so as to get far in life?

So here is my resolution for coming year! I AM SIXTEEN!  (soon)

1. Be more mature physically. Yea i am mature enough mentally and i do not wish for that part of my to grow any further cos i’ve seen enough of life. But i should stop acting like a little retarded kid making stupid mistakes whole day long.

2. Stop, STOP, bursting out in random songs (she gots no money in the bank :D ) i know my tablemates are all so irritated ):  HAHA but they still love me!

3. stop being so lame till the extend that i know the answer to most lame jokes cos yea, i am lame like that.

4. Be less bimbotic. OKAY I AM NOT IN THE FIRST PLACE. but i shall try to reduce comments along that line =.=

5. Be brave! Do not scream upon seeing insects, or lightning/thunder…

6. Convince myself that true love exist (oh what a lie) and good guys are only facing endangerment, not yet extinct.

7. be more efficient and stop procrastinating!!!

8. learn to be happy.

I WANTED TO COME UP  WITH SIXTEEN. but i realise i am contented with the way i am now :D mostly…

except for the fact that i really truly sincerely, need to and have to convince myself that love exists and guys can still be trusted.

That is my birthday wish for this year (: and the rest of my life till i finally believe again.

on a random note, i suddenly remembered what chanwansiong said and i feel like laughing again :D i know it makes sense to a certain extend but its just the way she puts it that is hilarious.

“literature is not about humanities. its about humanity”




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2 responses to “5843 days.

  1. Yang Yi

    Oh hey! First time I’m actually reading your blog. You have turned highly intellectual. Interesting birthday wishes though, and I do hope you start believing again.

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