Children are just so innocent (: the angel in them just makes you feel hopeful sometimes. or maybe, makes you feel remorseful. Why should you feel upset or even, bleak about life, when you are so fortunate. We ought to count our blessings. Perhaps, the saddest thing is that everyone has been through that stage of simplicity and purity, and yet we lost it in the course of growing up. We all used to have that beautiful sparkle in our eyes…
Exactly how i am feeling right now, and what i wish i could do. just sit by the road side or something and figure things out. or maybe i dont want to. i just want my mind to be blank. I hate feeling this way. The lack of enthusiasm to do everything nor do i look forward to anything. I dont look forward to the weekend, not even to the holiday. I just want the holiday so that i can escape from the tedium of lectures and tutorials. I just want to take a long walk, or hop on to a bike and go round singapore. For a little R and R. The thing is, i can’t even figure out what is wrong with me. I just dont want to do anything. Part of me wants to meet my friends and go out during the weekend but i just cant bring myself to. I doubt is PMSing anyway.
I hate having to fake a smile and pretend everything is alright just so that the world doesnt have to worry for you. Because the world doesnt revolves around me. i have no right to make other’s time stop for me. But i cant stand it anymore. Which is why i am just dumping everything here for the whole wide world to see it. maybe i will regret it later but as of now, i dont want to be a hypocrite and hide behind this happy little mask and image i have been creating. its frustrating and i can stand it no longer. This is my life and i have the right to feel upset. Why must i always think of how other people feel?! I do get tired. And i am sick of this. sick of saying i am fine, disgusted by myself when i pretend to be happy, exhausted to bottle everything up.
Yea okay i am going to stop now. that was just. i dunno. i guess i lost it, and i am glad i didnt just snap in school today. almost did a couple of times.
I cant find any reason in everything anymore. I have no idea what i am doing, why i am doing what i am doing. Locked up in a glass box. I can still see what is going on around me, but i cant do anything. I cant get out of it, cant get free.
<3 friends for being here for me as always. i mean, some can still sense that all those smiles were fake.
I will still embrace life. It will forever be beautiful, in one way or another. Keep the optimism.